The Once and Future Kiki (greta_garbo) wrote in lost_hetfics,
The Once and Future Kiki

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Fic: Mother

Title: Mother
Author: greta_garbo
Fandom: Lost
Characters/Pairings: Sawyer-centric (heavy Claire/Sawyer implied)
Disclaimers: I wish I owned an island, even a creepy lost one.
Spoilers: Sawyer-centric episodes
Notes: I haven't written Lost fic in ages. It's a short fic, one page, and unbetad. All mistakes belong to yours truly.

Sawyer’s parents had left him with a pretty twisted idea of men and women. Well, mostly women.

His mother had been stupid. Had gotten bored with her comfortable married life and took attention however she could get it. Even if it was with her husband’s money.

Wives were stupid. Wives were ungrateful and needy and would do anything for a guy who threw a smile their way. Sawyer knew this from his mother. It was this knowledge that made him so good at what he did.

But mothers were good. Mothers were sweet and caring. Mothers took care of their children, not matter what. His mother had protected him until she couldn’t any longer.

Sawyer thought his mother was horrible and wonderful at the same time. It was no wonder he was so conflicted.

Luckily, Claire wasn’t a wife. And, as far as he knew, never had been. She was just a mother, and damn good one at that. There was no duality to Claire. She wasn’t half good, half bad. It was just her and her baby, so she was all good. All love and caring and understanding. No desperation or stupidity. Just love for her kid, no matter how much he wailed and hollered, no matter how man diapers she had to change or how much sleep she lost.

Sawyer liked that about Claire. He liked it so much that he wasn’t about to ruin it.

Because, Sawyer knew, men were all bad. Men didn’t think about others, men did what they wanted. Men were the reason women were stupid. It was this knowledge that made Sawyer hate himself.

It was, in reality, all men who had ruined his life. His mother had a hand in it, but in the end, it all came down to the men. It was the con man all those years ago who had used his mother’s loneliness against her, who’s destroyed her marriage and he husband. It had been his father who’d taken away the warm, caring woman who’d pushed him under the bed in a final desperate attempt to protect her son. It was his father who’d left him a parentless child.

And it was him, James Ford, or Sawyer, whoever the hell he was now, that had destroyed his self-respect.

And no matter how much he wanted to bask in that simple love that filled Claire, he knew he couldn’t. Because all he had to do was touch it, and he would completely ruin it. Ruin her. When he looked at her, he saw his mother’s face, the day before it had all happened, when she’d picked him up from his grandmother’s house and bought him ice cream. Sawyer knew if he ruined Claire, he’d ruin that image of his mother.

And that image was sometimes the only thing that kept him going most of the time.


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